The time between childhood and marriage is called the time of singleness. It is the time when we discover who and what we are. It is the time we begin to fulfill the will of God for our lives. We find purpose. In the purpose we become truly single. God’s will consumes us. What God did to Adam at this time was interrupt Adam’s life and present him with somebody. Adam was busy with the purpose of God. It’s a time of singleness. 

BUILDING A HOME OR A HELL (01)

Achieving Singleness Before Marriage – “What’s wrong with me?”

by Delbert Young

Achieving Singleness Before Marriage

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audio

Achieving Singleness Before Marriage

Scriptures: Psalm 128:1-6, John 3:16, Galatians 1:4, Galatians 2:20, Ephesians 4:8, 11, 1 Timothy 2:6, Titus 2:14, Ephesians 5:25-28, Luke 6:38

Purpose today: Understand until a person achieves singleness they are not ready for marriage.

First text: Matthew 22:36-39

  • The time before marriage
    • Learn to love yourself
    • Why?
    • The problem

Second Text: Genesis 2:18-25

  • It is not good to be alone. It is good that some not marry.
    • False expectations
  • God’s picture through Adam and Eve
    • Busy Adam
    • Do not believe you must marry. Believe you must fulfill the will of God.
    • Marriage was Adam’s idea

Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

One of the greatest problems I see in the church today is  God’s people do not think correctly. They think like the world thinks. When we attempt to teach the scriptures in truth, people refuse to accept . They will not allow their minds to be renewed; rather they conform to the world. Because of this they never prove the good, acceptable, and perfect will of God. Allow me to give you one example of how even Christians conform to the world and never question society.

Question: in the scriptures, who is primarily responsible for the training and raising of the child, the father or the mother?

Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Malachi 4:6 And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.

Proverbs 17:6 Children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of child are their fathers

Yet when divorce happens, even in a Christian marriage, which parent gets the children? Who is responsible for the children? The satanic world order has reversed this. Society actually believes it is the mother’s responsibility to bring up the children. The scriptures never teach  the mother is responsible for raising the children. We must understand  in so many of our cultures, say the African American culture, the principles are very opposite the way God thinks. We can point our finger at other cultures, other races, even other families and friends. We recognize they are conforming to the world order, but we cannot recognize it for ourselves.

What I will share today with you will go a little against traditional teaching. Even my own teaching. Through life and ministering to people and seeking the Lord for truth, I see something I want to share with you.

I have shared about why marriages fail and our children continue on our failing ways. I have shared the man’s responsibility to establish the atmosphere in a home. I have shared how the woman is to have a meek and quiet spirit and be daughters of Sarah. I have shared about training up a child in the way he should go. Today I want to talk about singleness, the time after childhood until marriage.

  • The time before marriage
    • Learning to love yourself

How many believe  before there is a divorce there must first be a marriage? Marriage precedes divorce. There is also a most important occurrence before marriage; it is called singleness. Singleness precedes divorce. Before a person can marry, they must be single. There is a time of singleness.

Matthew 22:36-39 Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.

Concerning marriage/family, you do not want to marry anyone who does not love God as Lord. This is shown from their heart, soul, and mind. It is obvious if a person loves God. A person should learn this about the person they are considering marrying in the time of singleness.

Nearly as important is never marry a person who does not love his/her self. That sounds worldly but I am not talking about being vain. You say, well everybody loves himself or herself. No, this is not true. Many people do not even like themselves. I am talking about a person who properly knows who and what they are. They know why they exist. They know the will of God for their life. How do I know if this person is like this? How do they love people? The way they love people is the way they love self. Love your neighbor as yourself. How do they treat people? That is how they fell about themselves. A person should learn this about the person they are considering marrying in the time of singleness.

    • Why?

You can never love your spouse until you love yourself. You can never lead your family or help your spouse until you love life and love what you are about.

Most marriages begin today with people who have no idea what life is about, why they exist, what they want, where they are going. They marry full of insecurities. They are looking for someone to fulfill all their inadequacies. They wake up and find the person they thought would take care of all their needs cannot, so they begin looking for someone else who can. They go through relationship after relationship even marriage after marriage looking for Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful and all they find is trouble. They never learned in the time of singleness.

If you think you need to get married to be fulfilled or be loved, you are not ready for marriage. You cannot love your husband or wife if you do not love yourself. A person learns to love their own self in the time of singleness.

Imagine me in a counseling session with a beautiful young woman. She says in tears, “What is wrong with me. No one wants me. I am 25 years old and I have never been married. I must be ugly. Something is wrong with me. I want to be loved. I want to be fulfilled.” She feels this pressure to be married and feels a failure because she is not. She wants to marry because everyone else is married or because there is pressure to marry. She obviously is insecure about herself and does not love herself. If she marries all of these traits will be taken into the marriage with her. She will have expectations of her husband to love her the way she expects to be loved. She has expectations of her husband to fulfill her. When he does not, because he cannot, we have another problem marriage. First she must love God. Next she must love herself. She obviously does not love herself. She is forced by society to think something is wrong with her just because she is not married.

    • The problem

The problem is not her. The problem is a society, a devil, which pressures her to marry before she is prepared. Parents, friend, preachers, society, the devil, the God of this present world have placed a mentality and a pressure upon her that she should be married before 25 or something is wrong with her. I am guilty!

Second Text: Genesis 2:18-25

Genesis 2:18-25: 18 – And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should (Not be married?) be alone; I will make him an (Wife?) help meet for him.

What is God dealing with here, loneliness or marriage? This is important parents! This is important singles! Everybody in the world who satisfies your loneliness is not necessarily your spouse. God is dealing with loneliness, not marriage.

NIV – 2:18-23 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

19 – And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. (An elephant is still an elephant. A giraffe is still a giraffe)

20 – And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. (Was Adam looking for a helpmeet or a wife? Adam wasn’t looking for a wife. Adam was looking for someone who would help him fulfill the will of God for his life.)

21 – And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam (Notice this please!) and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

22 – And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

23 – And Adam said, (Notice this please!) This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

24 – Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

25 – And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

  • It is not good to be alone. It is good that some not marry.

Marriage did not come in verse 18; marriage came into existence in verse 23, 24, & 25. The purpose of verse 18 is to create another being that would satisfy the loneliness problem. It is not good to be alone

Some of the loneliest people I know are married!

I must say it is good that some not marry.

1 Corinthians 7:7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.

Paul begins chapter 7 saying that he wished everyone was as he and did not need a mate.

1 Corinthians 7:26-28 I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be. Art thou bound unto a wife? Seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? Seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.

NIV – 7:25-28 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

NASV – 7:26-29 I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you should marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin should marry, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.

Paul tells us that if a person marries they have not sinned. If a person does not marry they have not sinned. But those who do marry will face many troubles in this life. (Happily every after?)

1 Timothy 4:1-3 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth.

A seducing spirit and devil doctrine is forbidding to marry. So, though Paul says it is better not to marry, he does not make a doctrine of it. He says it is better to marry than burn with lust. He says it is better to remain single than have all the troubles of marriage.

It is not good to be alone. It is good that some not marry. That’s the Bible.

Hear this! Marriage will not solve the alone problem. It was not created to solve it. Some of the loneliest people in the world are married. Loneliness is magnified in a marriage because the person feels trapped.

  • False expectations

People enter marriage with false expectations.

They Expect:

  • Marriage is the ultimate goal for happiness – American dream “And they lived happily ever after”
  • Marriage will satisfy my loneliness
  • Marriage will give me the person who will always make me happy
  • Marriage will give me the person who will always satisfy my fantasies

When that person cannot do this for you, you begin to look for another, then another, then another.

  • God’s picture through Adam and Eve
    • Busy Adam

The time between childhood and marriage is called the time of singleness. It is the time when we discover who and what we are. It is the time we begin to fulfill the will of God for our lives. We find purpose. In the purpose we become truly single. God’s will consumes us. What God did to Adam at this time was interrupt Adam’s life and present him with somebody. Adam was busy with the purpose of God. He was tending the garden, naming the animals. He was consumed in the purpose of life. The Lord Had to cause a deep sleep to come on Adam so he would stop long enough so God could work on him. Adam was in the middle of fulfilling his purpose when God invaded his work and presented him Eve. The scriptures do not show Adam as depressed and looking for a woman. It was God’s idea.

Women, when you consider marrying a man, don’t even consider a person who is not consumed in their purpose. You could end up with someone who lies around all day and expects you to provide for him. You are in for much trouble, even if you divorce the guy; your life has been damaged.

Man, when you consider a woman for marriage, do not even consider her unless she will be totally given to helping you fulfill the purpose for your life. If you don’t you will be fighting her. She will be pulling on you; she will hinder, if not stop you, from fulfilling the will of God.

These must be not only discussed but seen and proven before marriage. Never enter marriage thinking you can change that person, that person will change you.

When you marry there is no special anointing that comes upon you to change that person or to change yourself.

You can only bring to a marriage what you are. Your spouse can only bring to a marriage what that spouse is. Know who and what you are before marriage. Know who and what the person you are marrying is before marriage. It is what we bring into the marriage that causes trouble. If you marry a person full of insecurities you inherit them. You must sleep with them. You have too much to do to deal with a spouse full of problems.

    • Do not believe you must marry. Believe you must fulfill the will of God.

No place in the Bible does it say, “Thou shalt marry.” It does say that on that day many will say Lord, Lord. He will say you did not do the will of my Father. Depart from me ye that work iniquity.

Some might people never married, but fulfilled the will of God: Apostle Paul, Ezekiel, Daniel, Elijah, Elisha, and Jesus.

I have literally watched people’s marriages – their selection of a mate, totally take them out of the will of God. I have sat and talked with them knowing they knew the will of God for their life. I have heard prophecies over them concerning the will of God for their life, yet I have watched their spouse pull and pull upon them. They forsake the will of God. Because I love people, I am concerned for them. Do not believe you must marry; believe you must fulfill the will of God.

    • Marriage was Adam’s idea.

Now I want to deal with something. During the faith movement a presumption came into the body of Christ. It became labeled as the name it and claim it doctrine. Christians went about claiming houses, cars, and husbands, and wives. “I claim that woman to be my wife. No one else can have them. I plead the blood of Jesus over them. I claim them. I believe, I believe, I believe.”

Another is the prophetic movement. “I prophesy that you will marry so and so.” Where is that in the word of God? Never let anyone prophesy over you that you are to marry this person or that person.

One more. “I want to tell you that God told me that you would be my wife.” You better run! That is not God. You may say, “But God did tell me…” I don’t have problems with you telling me the Lord confirmed that it was all right to marry this person. Even then I want to go through biblical principles. I don’t believe God will tell a believer it is all right to marry an unbeliever. That will violate His word. I believe your parents will have a good knowing. I want to know what your parents say. I want to know that you have discussed the will of God. For your lives and marriage.

Notice that Adam made the decision. God brought them together. That is what He will do. They decided to marry.

Genesis 2:22-25 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, (Please notice this) This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Our society puts constant pressure on young people to marry. Parents, friends, saints, preachers, all put pressure for a person to marry, when in fact that person first needs to find singleness.

Other Related Sermons:

Revelation Chapter 7, Four Corners of Earth, 144,000 – video audio notes

Revelation Chapter 15, Mighty Angels, Last Plagues, Song of Moses Song of the Lamb – sermon video audio notes

Revelation Chapter 4, The Throne, Sea of Glass, Four Beasts – sermon video audio notes

Also see:

Sermons Change The World

Life Gate Church sermons by Delbert Young