With Her Own Hands – sermon audio notes. I am fully aware of the Biblical position of the husband in the home, but wife, you also have responsibility. In this verse, it is not the husband tearing down the home. It is not the children doing it. It is not the finances destroying it. It is not another woman doing it. It is not the devil destroying it. This foolish woman is destroying her own home with her own hands.
BUILDING A HOME OR A HELL
With Her Own Hands
By Delbert Young
With Her Own Hands
Scriptures: Hosea 4:6, Proverbs 14:1, Proverbs 9:13, Proverbs 9:13, Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 19:13, Proverbs 21:19, Proverbs 21:9, Proverbs 30:21, Proverbs 30:23, Proverbs 14:1, 1 Peter 3:1-4, 1 Peter 3:5-6, 1 Peter 3:6
We are in our series called BUILDING A HOME OR A HELL. This will be the second lesson in our series. I would have talked about the man and his role in the home in this lesson. However, because next Sunday is Father’s Day, we will do that next week. Today, we will talk about the woman of the home. More specifically, we will talk about the number one issue that the Bible addresses concerning the woman. Husbands, after today’s lesson, if your wife asks you, “Do you think I am like that?” tell her the truth. MY GOAL IS TO GET YOU LADIES TO EVALUATE YOURSELVES. Perhaps you are now a single mom. You can evaluate and see if what we are talking about played a part. If not, great. You will have tremendous insight if you remarry.
Ladies, have you ever been around another woman that talked too much? I do not mean just talk. I mean, a woman that had something to say about everything and everyone and what she said was usually negative. She was always attempting to run her business, her husband’s business, her grown children’s business, her neighbor’s business, her brother’s and sister’s business, and everyone’s business. Have you been around a woman who drove people crazy and was always stirring up something with her talking, complaining, and arguing? A woman can rip apart her own home by not knowing when to be quiet.
We are about to look at scripture after scripture placed in the Bible to caution women. The reason I am doing this is to get the point across to the women about how much the Bible actually says and warns about this. According to the Bible, it is the most serious problem a woman faces when it comes to her home. It can be the difference between BUILDING A HOME OR A HELL.
[Hosea 4:6] my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge, I also reject you as my priests; because YOU HAVE IGNORED the law of your God, I also will ignore your children.
God said, MY PEOPLE. This is not about the devil’s people, or the “lost” people. God’s people aredestroyed because they lack knowledge. It is not that the information is not available. It is that the information has been rejected. The Knowledge has been ignored that teaches the ways of God. God has made unchangeable laws. Gravity is an unchangeable law. A 24-hour day is an unchangeable law. I must adjust my life to God’s unchangeable ways if I expect to experience an abundant life. God said that ourignoring God’s ways will affect our children – families. Our families are destroyed because we continue toignore the laws and ways of God. Last time we talked about this in the lesson called, I Refuse to be Ignorant. What is it that every woman must refuse to be ignorant concerning?
[NIV] Proverbs 14:1 The WISE woman builds her house, but WITH HER OWN HANDS the FOOLISH one tears hers down.
There is our title. I am fully aware of the Biblical position of the husband in the home, but wife, you also have responsibility. In this verse, it is not the husband tearing down the home. It is not the children doing it. It is not the finances destroying it. It is not another woman doing it. It is not the devil destroying it. Thisfoolish woman is destroying her own home with her own hands because she has ignored (ignore-ant) God’s ways. The primary piece of knowledge that the Lord says a woman cannot ignore is to learn when to stop talking and stirring up contention.
[KJV] Proverbs 9:13 A foolish woman is CLAMOROUS: she is simple, and knoweth nothing.
[NRS] Proverbs 9:13 The foolish woman is LOUD; she is IGNORANT and knows nothing.
[AMP] Proverbs 9:13 The foolish woman is NOISY; she is simple and open to all forms of evil, she [willfully and recklessly] knows nothing whatever.
How does the Bible say we can identify a foolish woman? She has proven that she is foolish by herclamor, loudness, and noise. Notice some of the connecting thoughts that go along with a clamoring, loud, and noisy woman –“…knoweth nothing.” “…ignorant and knows nothing.” “willfully and recklessly knows nothing whatever.” She does not want to know how to make her hell a home. She wants it the way it is which is her running it with clamor and manipulation.
The Hebrew word translated clamorous, loud and noisy in the above passages is hamah (Strong’s #1993) and means to make a load sound); to be in great commotion or tumult, to rage, war. It is not that she is simply clamorous, loud and noisy. She makes great commotion, tumult, rage, and makes war.
In situations like this, the husband will come from work ready to relax and rest. The wife will begin talking and clamoring. She will go through the house talking. Ladies, he is not listening to you. In fact, he is saying to himself, “Can’t she PLEASE BE QUIET. She is driving me crazy!” WITH HER OWN HANDS…
[NIV] Proverbs 12:4 A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.
[Message] Proverbs 12:4 A hearty wife invigorates her husband, but a frigid woman is cancer in the bones.
A man with a wife that disgraces and embarrasses him when it comes to his home – children, housekeeping, spending money, appearance, etc. and not allowing him to be the husband and father – is like a man with bone cancer. To the husband, it is like a painfully slow death that eats away at him every minute of every day on the inside. The man does not want to come home because home has become a sickening hell. WITH HER OWN HANDS…
[NIV] Proverbs 19:13 A FOOLISH SON is his father’s ruin, and a QUARRELSOME WIFE is like a constant dripping.
Please notice that the Spirit connected the foolish son (children) and a quarrelsome wife. Some mothers have a tendency to want to be their children’s friend rather than being their mother. So, she befriends the children and quarrels with the father especially when the father is attempting to discipline, lead, and direct. This will produce FOOLISH CHILDREN every time. The children become problem children. There is always rebellion and often addictions. The Bible says this woman is like a dripping water spigot – drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. The father tries to grab the handle and twist it as tight as he can, but it keeps dripping. It will not stop. He talks to his wife about the situation, but drip, drip, drip, drip. The husband feels like he works, pays the bills, but he is only a doormat walked and dripped on by the wife and children. What he says is neither respected nor desired and it drives the man crazy – drip, drip, drip. And WITH HER OWN HANDS…
[KJV] Proverbs 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness [NIV – desert], than with a contentious and an angry woman.
Sometimes it is like living in a different world – a desert deserted world – when the wife is contentious (great commotion, tumult, rage, war). The husband feels deserted, left out and alone. However, he would rather do that than constantly/daily fight the wife and the children. All the while, the home is a living hell and falling apart. And WITH HER OWN HANDS…
[NIV] Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
The husband is looking for peace, so rather than constantly fight with his wife and be made to feel unappreciated, he simply creates his own little corner and attempts to live there in peace. It can be his chair, or his shop, or, if necessary, a corner on top of the roof. He would prefer living there than dealing with a quarrelsome wife. The entire time, the children are rebelling and getting into trouble. The wife is allowing her desire to be “friends” with her children to undermine her marriage and destroy her home. And WITH HER OWN HANDS…
[NIV] Proverbs 30:21 “Under three things the earth trembles [KJV – disquieted], under four it cannot bear up:
There are three things that disrupt the quietness on earth. The Hebrew word translated trembles anddisquieted is ragaz (Strong’s #7264) and means to quiver with any violent emotion, espec. anger or fear. The verse then says, “Under three things the earth experiences violent emotion, anger, and fear.” Here is the third one.
[KJV] Proverbs 30:23 For an odious woman when she is married
Nothing can anger a husband more than an odious – revolting – woman. Nothing can stir up his emotions more than an odious – revolting woman. He fears having to deal with situations allowed by and created by his wife again and again. He fears he will lose his family if he does. Because she is constantly dripping, clamorous, foolish, raising foolish children, loud, contentious, ignorant, and brawling, she can turn her husband’s love into hate and anger. Do you remember what Proverbs 14:1 said?
[NIV] Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but WITH HER OWN HANDS the foolish one tears hers down.
I have attempted to give you the number one issue of which the Bible warns the woman. It is being a contentious woman. I want to spend the time left that we have together to attempt to give you the solution. With Her Own Hands…
1 Peter 3:1-4 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won BY THE CONVERSATION OF THE WIVES; While they behold YOUR CHASTE CONVERSATION coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a MEEK AND QUIET SPIRIT, which is in the sight of God of great price.
Peter’s context is simple. It is about the woman who develops and builds a home and not a hell. Notice that the conversation has changed. It is now chaste, or controlled, conversation. It is not a conversation that is repulsive, or drives the man away. It is a conversation that attracts the man. He wants to be with her and will even desire to go to church with her. In fact, the word conversation does not mean talking only. It means her lifestyle. Notice that she has a meek [gentle] and quiet spirit. It means a controlled disposition – chaste conversation.
Peter said that she should be in subjection to her own husband. Subjection is a bad word, right? I know some of the women are saying, “My husband does not understand. I cannot subject myself or my children to him. I cannot talk to him. He yells all the time.” I must ask you, “Why?” Why does he need to yell? Could it be because he cannot get a word in edgewise? Does he have to yell to be heard? Possibly – this is not always the case, but often is. When he does talk, does anyone really listen? Does anything change? The solution is TRUST IN GOD. It is impossible to bionically be in subjection to your own husband if a woman does not TRUST IN GOD.
The woman who builds a home and not a hell has a controlled disposition. This is exactly what Peter is sharing as he gives us a reference.
1 Peter 3:5-6 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, WHO TRUSTED IN GOD, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
How big is TRUSTING IN GOD when it comes to building a home? It is the solution. Wives, do you trust God to deal with your husbands? Or, do you feel you must be clamorous, noisy, loud, and manipulative, keep things from him, deceitful, etc? With Her Own Hands…
Peter used Sarah as his example. The section is speaking of Sarah and telling believing women they are like her “as long as” they “are not afraid with any amazement.” The word translated afraid is phobeo and means freighted and alarmed. Sarah would not allow any phobeo that Abraham caused to stop her from TRUSTING IN GOD.
[NIV] 1 Peter 3:6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and DO NOT GIVE WAY TO FEAR.
Sarah would not give way to fear. The verse said that Sarah obeyed Abraham. It does not mean that wives are to obey their husbands like a puppy dog or call him “master” or “lord.” The thought is that Sarah did what Abraham asked her to do (obeyed) and that she respected him (called him master.) Your husband needs you to do what he asks you to do. Certainly you express your ideas and thoughts, but once a decision is made, he needs you to do what he asked. Your husband also needs you to do what he asks you to do concerning the home/children and needs your respect. These are crucial. If a woman cannot do what her husband asks her to do and give him the respect he needs then a hell is being built. With Her Own Hands…
Wives may say, “Well, he does some dumb things.” With Her Own Hands… Let me tell you what Peter is referencing in 1 Peter 3:6. The Bible tells Sarah’s story in (Gen chapters 11-23). Sarah was a very beautiful woman. Originally, her name was Sarai. She married a man named Abram (became Abraham) and he put Sarah through some amazing things.
Around mid-life for Sarah, Abraham packed her up and moved her from her house, family, and friends to begin a new city that did not exist. Let’s put that into perspective. Your husband comes home one day and says, “Baby, pack up. Say goodbye to your parents, family, and friends. We are moving to the Alaskan wilderness to start a city that does not yet exist.” How would you do? Sarah moved and did it without giving way to fear. She didn’t destroy her house down With Her Own Hands. How did she do that? She TRUSTED GOD.
Later, Abraham told Sarah that God had spoken to him. They were to pack up and move again to some land a great distance away. Sarah was then a sixty-five year old chick. She was to pack up, leave her house again, walk and walk, and live in a tent. She was to go to some place her husband thought that God was going to give him. Did she do it? She did. She did it without giving way to fear. How? Sarah TRUSTED GOD. She didn’t destroy her house down With Her Own Hands.
Sarah finally arrived at this land that Abraham led her to and a grievous famine came. Sarah was in a strange land with no food or water. She had to wonder that if God had told Abraham to go here, then why was there not food or water? Yet, somehow she was not afraid with any amazement. She knew that God would take care of her. Sarah TRUSTED GOD.
Here is where it really gets strange. Abraham said, “Baby, let’s go down to Egypt.” Then Abraham said, “Listen, you are a fine looking woman and these Egyptians will kill me for a fine looking woman. Tell them you are my sister, not my wife.” I do not think that Abraham knew to what he was subjecting Sarah, but Sarah did exactly what Abraham asked. Pharaoh did like Sarah and he took Sarah. Abraham did not try to stop that. Do you think that Sarah was concerned? I do, but she did not allow that to stop her from obeying and respecting her husband because she TRUSTED GOD. God did intervene for Sarah and delivered her. An even more crazy aspect is that this same thing happened again years later with a king named Abimelech. Again, God showed up. Sarah had a unique ability to TRUST GOD even through the dumb things that Abraham put her through.
I need to take a second and make my point clear. Wife, if you were to walk into my study and tell me that your husband told you to put yourself in a situation where you would have to be in the arms of another man, I would tell you to get away from your husband. I would tell you that he has some serious problems. My point is that in these crazy things that Abraham put Sarah through, she TRUSTED IN GOD and God always took care of her and her child. You do not have to be clamorous, loud, and noisy. You do not need to be deceptive and manipulative. By doing those things, you will tear your house down WITH YOUR OWN HANDS. You do not have to constantly drip, drip, drip. If you will develop a controlled disposition, not give way to fear, and TRUST GOD, you will build a home and experience all your dreams.
Sarah dreamed of giving Abraham a son, but she could not become pregnant. She suggested that Abraham take Hagar, Sarah’s young servant girl, and have a baby by her. Abraham did this and a child was born whom they named Ishmael. The child and his mother lived with Abraham and Sarah. Can you imagine how Sarah felt having to look every day at the woman who had been with her husband and her child? It was a bad situation, but Sarah TRUSTED GOD. Again, God showed up and told Abraham to do exactly what Sarah said. Send away the bondwoman and her son.
One day, when Sarah was eighty-nine years of age and Abraham was ninety-nine, God said that Sarah would have a son. Think about that. How frightening is that? Did she have a son? Yes, she did and named him Isaac. Sarah’s dream had come true. She had a son, but Abraham heard form God again. Sarah must be thinking that it is not always a fun thing for a woman’s husband to hear from God. This time, God told Abraham to take Isaac to a mountain called Moriah. There Abraham was to offer Isaac as a sacrifice. How do you suppose Sarah felt about that? How did Sarah maintain a controlled spirit? How did she remain quiet? I am certain that she did not remain silent. There is a difference between silence and a meek and quiet spirit. How did she handle it? She TRUSTED GOD. She didn’t destroy her house down With Her Own Hands. Think about that. Sarah’s husband was going to offer her baby as an offering and some of you women get upset because your husband wants to discipline your child? You don’t trust God. Sarah maintained a controlled disposition – meek and quiet spirit. She submittedtoher husband because she TRUSTED GOD. As always, it worked out and God showed up for Sarah. The Lord provided a ram for the sacrifice. GOD WILL ALWAYS SHOW UP FOR YOU TOO!
In Genesis chapter twenty-three, Sarah died. Sarah is the only woman whose age at death is recorded in scripture. She was one hundred and twenty-seven years old. She is also the only woman who had a name change by the Lord – Sarai – dominative – to Sarah – woman of God (Rha). Sarah was special because of her ability to TRUST GOD and not allow her fear to move her from respecting her husband.
The primary warning to a woman from the Bible is to guard what you say and how you say it. Do not be contentious. It is not that you should not talk. Sarah told Abraham how she felt and then Abraham had to make the decision while Sarah TRUSTED GOD. Get knowledge. Don’t be clamorous and loud. Don’t disgrace your husband. Don’t befriend your children and quarrel with your husband. Don’t choose their side over him. If you do, you will become as bone cancer to him. He will begin to live in a different world to find peace as you TEAR YOUR HOME DOWN WITH YOUR OWN HANDS. Instead, be the WISE WOMAN who BUILDS A HOME WITH HER OWN HANDS.
How many want to gain knowledge, be wise, and build a home and not a hell? Give the Lord a shout and hand clap. Amen.
Other Related Sermons: