We expected more from a relationship than the person was capable of giving and it broke our heart. We think people should feel the same way we feel about things and that is not fair. Lone Star has a song titled “Smile.” A line in the song says, “You can’t help how you don’t feel and it doesn’t matter why.” Even in the best of relationships, people do not have the same passions. To expect them to have the same passions and feelings we have is unjust expectations. We set ourselves up for heartbreak, and we will have one.
ISSUES OF THE HEART
By Delbert Young
You Can’t Help What You Don’t Feel
You Can’t Help What You Don’t Feel
Scriptures: Psalms 47:7, Genesis 29:35, Jeremiah 50:14, Lamentations 3:53, Psalms 149:6, Psalms 140:13, 2 Timothy 3:2, Luke 17:13-18, Psalms 33:3, Luke 17:19, Luke 1:41-44
For the past two lessons we have concentrated on the heart. I have attempted to show us what the heart is as the Lord views it. Our destinies of success or failure are in our heart (1Sa 16:7; Act13:22). Our life’s issues of abundance or wilderness are in our heart (Pro 4:23). Our thoughts that make us what we are and determine the life we have is in our heart (Pro 23:7). Our wounds and broken dreams are in our heart (Luk 4:18).
I feel as though for two weeks I have exposed us and beat us. That was not the intent. One person even asked, “How much longer do I have to listen to this?” The desire is to provoke us to analyze our heart, not to feel beaten. As we saw, there are good treasures and evil treasures in our hearts (Mat 12:35). There is no need in changing or exposing the good treasures. They are on the correct road heading in the correct direction. Let’s leave those alone. It’s the evil treasures that must be exposed. Unless they make a U-turn, they will cause you destruction and grief.
Proverbs 4:23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.
Today I want to concentrate on what causes a broken heart. In the natural we know some things that cause heart disease. For example, too much bad cholesterol count will cause the arteries to clog. Too much stress can cause heart problems. Not getting enough exercise can cause heart problems. Being overweight can cause heart problems. Knowing some things that cause heart disease and avoiding or correcting these can avoid a heart attack. My father-in-law died of heart disease. He had many heart attacks. My wife eats better than her dad did. She exercises on her treadmill. She watches her weight. She takes a lot of vitamins. She is trying to avoid heart problems.
It is the same in the spiritual. Proverbs 4:23 says, Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. The spiritual heart is to be kept and guarded if we want a healthy life. We must be careful of what we eat spiritually. We must be careful that we don’t allow things in there that will clog the flow in or out. We need to exercise our spiritual heart. We can’t get fleshy or fat. If we do any of these, we could be looking at a spiritual heart attack.
That’s all good and wonderful, but what if you have already had a heart break, and we all have. Most, if not all, of us today exist with broken heart. Again, in the natural that would be called a heart attack. Our lives are directly affected by the heartbreaks we have. When a child suffers heartbreak early in life, that child will be affected all their life by that heartbreak. Some may say that cannot be true. Then I ask is a young girl affected all her life because an uncle or father sexually molested her? Is a young boy affected all his life because he was beaten over and over by a drunken dad or mother? Will it affect a person’s life if their parent divorce and then marry other people that are not their mom and dad? The answer to all these questions is yes it will eternally affect the child. We live in a day of children with heartbreaks. Many of us experienced some sort of heartbreak as a child. We began life damaged.
In the natural, a person who has had a heart attack is now limited to what they can do in direct comparison to the degree of heart disease they have suffered. My father-in-law died from heart disease. After his first heart attack, my father-in-law was disabled. He could no longer work. His life was restricted. More heart attacks followed and he became more and more incapacitated. Finally, one day he had his last heart attack and died on the kitchen floor.
As we age more heartbreaks come. These have added up taking a toll on our lives. We retire from certain aspects of life. As the heartbreaks add up, we become more and more incapacitated. Let’s list some things that can cause a broken heart.
EMPLOYER – LOST JOB
CHURCH – PASTOR (CHURCH LEADER) / MEMBERS
Now I want to say some things that are intended to help. Why did these break our hearts? The answer is because of unjust expectations. We expected people to do more than they were capable of doing. We expect our natural heart to handle high cholesterol, our being overweight, no exercise, and stress. It cannot. It is the same way with a spiritual heart attack. We expected more from that relationship than that person was capable of giving and it broke our heart. We think that people should feel the same way we feel about things and that is not fair. Lone Star has a song titled “Smile.” A line in the song says, “You can’t help how you don’t feel and it doesn’t matter why.” Even in the best of relationships, people do not have the same passions. To expect them to have the same passions and feelings we have is unjust expectations. We set ourselves up for heartbreak, and we will have one. Why did the spouse break your heart? They made the vows, but were not capable of fulfilling them. Doesn’t mean they didn’t want to fulfill them. They just were not capable of fulfilling them. You expected more than they were capable of giving. Why do so many marriages come to divorce? Unjust expectations are the reason. We expected to live happy ever after. That is impossible and is an unjust expectation. Many times we begin to look for someone else to fulfill our expectations only to find that again we set ourselves up for heartbreak. Why did you think that child was so perfect that they would never break your heart? Why did you think that parent was so perfect they could not let you down and break your heart? The answer is unjust expectations. Why did you think your boss would never replace you? Who told you that pastor was perfect? Who told you that church member could not get mad and hurt your feelings?
Once we understand that unjust expectations set us up for heartbreak, we will stop expecting too much. That will end most future heart attacks. Also we are able to forgive past heart attacks and allow God to heal our broken hearts.
Doug Eaker had a heart attack followed by some serious heart problems with clogged arteries. Doug could have died and knows it. Doug adjusted his life. He smoked then, but stopped. He ate a lot of cheese and things that gave him bad cholesterol that clogged his heart. He adjusted his died. He began to guard and maintain his heart. Today, after having all those heart problems, there is no evidence that he ever had a heart attack. He has one hundred percent use of his heart. His heart does not limit him today even though it was badly damaged years ago.
The point is our hearts can be healed. Our lives can be productive and abundant. We simply must guard and maintain our hearts. What if Doug had not adjusted his life? More heart attacks and clogged arteries would follow. Eventually his heart would become hard and useless. I talked to my father-in-law’s cardiologist before he died. He explained to me what was happening in the heart of my father-in-law. Every time he had a heart attack a part of his heart became hard and would not work. Angie Williamson told me that she got to go to a cadaver class for her schooling. She was telling me that the heart in the cadaver person’s was hard and only a very small part of the heart was soft and could work. When hardness of the heart happens destruction is not far away.
This is what happens to us each time we have a broken heart. A little more of us die. Our heart becomes hard. When we develop a hard heart, life is hell and serious destructive eternal problems shortly follow unless we learn to heal the broken heart.
Matthew 19:3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
Matthew 19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
Matthew 19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? [they shall live happily ever after in constant deep passion with never a moments trouble emulating a fairy tale or soap opera]
So often our broken hearts come from adding unreal expectations to our life. We place expectations upon people they can never fulfill. We create a Fairy Tale or soap opera in our own hearts setting up a heartbreak or heart attack. This is exactly what many people do. They eat horrible foods putting into their heart what their heart is not capable of handling setting themselves up for a heart attack. We do not obey the word and marry the wrong person, SMASH, heartbreak. We do not raise our children according to the word of God, SMASH, heartbreak. We don’t do a good job at work. We come in late, leave early, lay out, reject authority, SMASH, heart break.
Jesus goes on saying,
Matthew 19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Matthew 19:7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
Matthew 19:8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
Notice that we can approach the Word of God, which is able to discern the thoughts and intents of our hearts from two entirely different perspectives. We can go to the word and look for a way out. I mean by that a way to justify our thoughts and intents. Or we can go to the word to find the best way. I mean the way that will bring blessing to our lives and to those we love, i.e. children and one-day grandchildren. We can go to the scripture to find a reason to leave the spouse. Or, we can go to the scriptures and find the way to fix the marriage. For example, some try to go to the scriptures to find a verse that says that God does not heal everybody. There is none. Some try to find where God does not bless everyone. However, the scriptures are clear that God desires to bless everyone. Some will try to find where tongues are not for today, etc. Why is that? The reason is because their heart is hard in that area. They have lost the use of their heart concerning that issue.
The condition of our heart will define the way we approach the scriptures. Even in the scriptures there are things placed there only because of the hard heart. The Lord did provide a way for divorce. But Jesus said that was not God’s thought and intention. It is not God’s best for our lives. If we want God’s best we are to stick to our spouse. However, because of the hardness of our hearts the Lord must provide other options.
The hard heart causes us to do things that are outside of God’s best. The hard heart is a heart that has become brittle and will not flex and actually cannot be used. The hard heart always defends instead of repents. The hard heart is unteachable. It always says it knows the answer. It doesn’t need church. It doesn’t need the word of God. It doesn’t need the counsel of many. The hard heart allows little in and little out. There is hardening of the arteries. In the spiritual it is hardening of the attitudes. There is no softness and no flexibility to work with situations and problems.
Will God love us if we will not fix our hearts? Yes, but it’s not his best for our lives. We cannot remain hard in an area and expect God’s best in that area. You Can’t Help What You Don’t Feel.
In the end, the hard heart is a broken heart. The heart that is soft does not break. It adjusts and changes. It is capable of flexing and adjusting to the situation. Hard hearts make messes and broken relationships. Soft hearts change. Why do people go from place to place, church to church, marriage to marriage, relationship to relationship? The answer is because of hard hearts.
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