You Had A Bad Mother – How to Overcome Maternal Wounds audio video notes. Life gets off to a negative beginning when you have a bad mother. How can we be positive and have a good life when we have a bad mother? Surely, if anything can cause a person to live a negative life, it is having a bad mother. We all know people who have had bad mothers. When we investigate, we most frequently see them struggle in areas of their lives directly associated with having a bad mother.
SMILE STAYING POSITIVE WHEN…
By pastor Delbert Young
You Had A Bad Mother – How to Overcome Maternal Wounds
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You Had A Bad Mother – How to Overcome Maternal Wounds
Scriptures: Isaiah 49:15-16, 1 Kings 3:24-25, 1 Kings 3:26-27, Ephesians 6:17, Titus 2:3-4, Proverbs 23:13-14, Proverbs 19:18, Proverbs 13:24, Hebrews 12:6-8, Ephesians 6:2, Deuteronomy 5:16
Today is Mother’s Day. Let’s get our mothers to stand so we can recognize and applaud them.
I intended to begin our new series today but realized it would be Mother’s Day. Then I thought, “Well, what’s wrong with talking about ‘Smile Staying Positive When You Had a Bad Mother'”? Imagine if you had a bad mother. Surely, if anything can cause a person to live a negative life, it is having a bad mother. We all know people who had bad mothers. When we investigate, we most frequently see they struggle in areas of their life directly associated with having a bad mother.
The Lord God has much to say about mothers in the Bible. Some were excellent mothers, but some were bad mothers. All had incredible effects on their children, either positively or negatively. So let’s talk about living a positive life when you have a bad mother.
We often think a mother will always remember her children. Is this true?
Isaiah 49:15-16 CAN A MOTHER FORGET THE BABY at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? THOUGH SHE MAY FORGET, I WILL NOT FORGET YOU! See, I HAVE ENGRAVED YOU on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.
The Lord asked a question. Can a mother forget the baby she birthed and nursed? Is it possible for this to happen? The answer is yes. “Though she may forget, I will not forget you!” It is possible for a mother to forget and even reject her child. Bad mothers have an incredible effect on their children, but God doesn’t want this to cause the person to have a negative life.
The Lord compares his eternal love for us in a maternal way. You are forever in his thoughts. He never forgets about you as a good mother is always thinking about her children. I know my wife is always thinking about her children and grandchildren. Not a day goes by she doesn’t tell me what our children and our grandchildren are doing. So, if you had a bad mother, you likely feel forgotten, possibly struggling with self-worth, feeling no one cares about you. The Lord says it’s impossible for him to forget you. You are precious to him.
For weeks, a six-year-old boy kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister expected at his house. One day, the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child in her tummy. The six-year-old was obviously impressed but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally asked the boy, “Tommy, what became of the baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?” Tommy burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”
A bad mother can devour her children’s lives. (Of course, there are times when even a great mother understands why some animals eat their own young.)
Even nature teaches us the attachment a mother has with her babies.
The umbilical cord connects the child to their mother from conception to birth. After birth, in nature, we see the mother/baby attachment. We see it in a dog and her puppies, a cat with her kittens, a cow with her calf, a sheep and her lamb, a bird and her young, and on and on. We see how God wired this into young girls with the attachment they have with their dolls to feed, bathe, change diapers, dress, etc., their babies.
God said though a mother should never forget her children, some do, but he would never forget you. If you had a bad mother, you feel forgotten. Also, you’ve never felt the loving attachment God intended. Today, you likely struggle with relationship attachments. The first way to Smile Staying Positive When You Had a Bad Mother is to know God loves you and will never forget you. You are tattooed – engraved on the palms of his hands.
Notice, it’s not your name engraved. You are! You are always before his face. If you realize God attached himself to you, you will begin to see your life turn positive. God will maternally love you as a mother. You will begin to see and expect God’s favor as a mother favors her children. God said he couldn’t forget you. He said, “I have engraved you on the palms of my hands!”
There is a story in 1 Kings 3 about two mothers who lived together.
Both were prostitutes. Both became pregnant and delivered three days apart. During the night, one of the mothers rolled over on her baby, crushing it to death. Some mothers crush their babies today by their actions. She took her dead baby and swapped it with the living baby while its mother was sleeping. The true mother of the living baby realized what happened, but the mother of the dead baby refused to relinquish the living baby. The dispute culminated with them before King Solomon.
1 Kings 3:24-25 Then the king said, “BRING ME A SWORD.” So they brought a sword for the king. He then gave an order: “Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other.”
A mother read this story to her daughter. At this point in the story, she asks her daughter what she thought the authentic mother would say when Solomon ordered the baby cut in half. The daughter said, “Give me the bigger half!” This daughter needs some training, don’t you think? That’s not what the real mother said.
1 Kings 3:26-27 The woman whose son was alive was filled with compassion for her son and said to the king, “Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don’t kill him!” But the other said, “Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!” Then the king gave his ruling: “Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother.”
The mother, who was not the real mother, was a bad mother. Perhaps you had a bad mom who crushed you. We see it frequently. Some mothers don’t realize they are killing their children. Their attitude is, “Cut him in half! I don’t care! It’s all about me, not my baby.” Maybe you were cut in half when your parents divorced. Your loyalty, love, emotions, and life were divided between your parents, both wanting the bigger half. It crushed you. Maybe you blame your mom, and maybe you’re correct, but you don’t have to live a crushed half-life. Solomon’s solution was the sword. It’s your solution.
Ephesians 6:17 Take the helmet of salvation and the SWORD OF THE SPIRIT, WHICH IS THE WORD OF GOD.
Not only do you need God and know he maternally loves you, never forgets you, and is attached to you. You need God’s Spirit and the Spirit’s sword, which is the word of God. I promise you. If you implement the word of God into your life like a sword, God will turn every negative situation into a positive.
For example, women read Proverbs 31 about the virtuous woman. Men, read the entire Book of Proverbs. Use this as a sword. It will be impossible to have a negative life. God will light up your path. He will take you to higher places than you’ve ever dreamed. Mother, your children, and your husband will call you blessed. Father, your children, and your wife will adore and honor you. You will Smile staying positive when you had a bad mother.
We all need training and instruction on how to love our children and how to make a good home. Likely, this didn’t happen if you had a bad mother.
Titus 2:3-4 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to TEACH WHAT IS GOOD. Then they can TRAIN THE YOUNGER WOMEN TO LOVE THEIR HUSBANDS AND CHILDREN
If you had a bad mother and she taught you everything she knew, what did you learn? If you were a woman, you only learned how to be a bad mother. You became irreverent, a slanderer, and an addict who didn’t know how to love your husband or your children. If you were a man, you learned a warped understanding of motherhood and how a wife should properly love you. Whether you were a man or a woman, this affected you negatively.
Sure, it did, but you don’t have to stay negative. Find someone who can teach you and train you. Find a godly older woman if you’re a woman, or find a godly older man if you’re a man. Allow them to teach and train you. Ask them questions. Watch how they handle their children, love their spouse, and do other aspects of life. Find someone successful in life. I promise. There is transference. They will impart to you. Your life will transform from negative to positive. God will bless you with an abundant life.
Some had a bad mother because she didn’t discipline her children correctly. We’re aware of how physically abusive discipline will damage a person, but no discipline is just as abusive. At the time, you thought no discipline was good, but later, you paid the price with a non-disciplined life. Your mom may have been trying to be your friend by not disciplining you. You didn’t need her to be your friend. You needed her to be your mother.
My mom was not guilty of this.
My dad maybe was guilty, but not my mom. I remember she blistered my bottom many times, and when I was too large for her to handle physically, she disciplined me in other ways, such as grounding me or taking away privileges.
Proverbs 23:13-14 DO NOT WITHHOLD DISCIPLINE FROM A CHILD; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod AND SAVE HIS SOUL FROM DEATH.
Proverbs 19:18 Discipline your son, FOR IN THAT THERE IS HOPE; do not be a willing party to his death.
(KJV) Proverbs 19:18 Chasten thy son WHILE THERE IS HOPE, and let not thy soul SPARE FOR HIS CRYING.
Proverbs 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, BUT HE WHO LOVES HIM IS CAREFUL TO DISCIPLINE HIM.
Carefully disciplining your child, rod included, is a blessing a good mother gets to do for her child. If not properly disciplined by your mother, something in your soul dies. You lost hope in areas where you need hope. There were areas of your life undisciplined, and you’re paying for it today. You probably pitch temper tantrums when you don’t get your way. What now? “How do you Smile Staying Positive when you had a bad mom who did not discipline you correctly? Answer: submit to God’s discipline. Don’t rebel or have a temper tantrum.
Hebrews 12:6-8 because the LORD DISCIPLINES THOSE HE LOVES, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.” Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and EVERYONE UNDERGOES DISCIPLINE), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.
When things don’t go your way, see it as God’s discipline. God will use his rod on you. God will find a way to discipline you. He will ground you. He will take away from you the thing you enjoy most. Don’t pitch a temper tantrum. It won’t work with God. Say, “Lord, I’m taking this as a discipline.” You will always know when you need discipline. I’ve never experienced God’s discipline when I didn’t know exactly what I did wrong.
If you submit to God’s discipline and learn the lesson the discipline taught, God will always reward you. There are always special rewards following God’s discipline. You will Smile staying positive when you had a bad mother.
I want to talk about one more principle.
Ephesians 6:2 “Honor your father and mother” – which is the first commandment with a promise
What commandment? What promise?
Deuteronomy 5:16 “HONOR YOUR FATHER AND YOUR MOTHER, as the LORD your God has commanded you, SO THAT you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
The word honor in the Old Testament is kabad – to be heavy, i.e., in a bad sense (burdensome, severe, dull) or in a good sense (numerous, rich, honorable). In the New Testament it is timao {tim-ah’-o} meaning fix the value.
Our honoring our mother is a heavy issue to God. He knows doing this is sometimes severely burdensome. It’s dull. Sometimes, there is nothing fun about it, but it has a fixed value. God values your honoring your mom so much that he promises he will bless you with a long life. He will bless you with a life where things go well with you in your land.
Maybe you had a bad mother, and it’s had a negative effect on your life.
Perhaps she forgot you, or you feel she did. I want to tell you God hasn’t. He’s tattooed you into the palms of his hands. He always remembers you. He loves you maternally as a mother loves, attaches to, and cares for her baby. Possibly, your mother crushed you and even divided you in half by her rolling over in life. God has the solution for you. It’s his word – his sword. Perchance your mother didn’t teach you and train you how to be a good mother loving your children and husband, or how you should perceive a wife and a good home. God has the perfect people already lined up to help teach and train you.
It could be you were physically abused or abused by not being disciplined. Submit to God’s discipline, and he will help you. I promise you if you did have a bad mother, but will apply these five truths: 1) Attach to God, allowing him to love you maternally; 2) apply his sword – his word – to your life; 3) allow godly older successful people to teach and train you; 4) submit to God’s discipline; 5) honor your mother, God will bless your life. His favor will be upon you.
The direction of your life will change. God will take you higher than you ever dreamed. Your children will call you blessed. Your spouse will love, adore, and cherish you. God will give you a long life, and things will go amazingly well for you. You will Smile Staying Positive When You Had a Bad Mother!
You Had A Bad Mother – How to Overcome Maternal Wounds
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Training Our Children By Discipline Audio
Mothers Day Sermons Page audio video notes
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