Continue – Handling Controlling Manipulative People – By Pastor Delbert Young
Continue – Handling Controlling Manipulative People
(3) The third thing we learn in HANDLING CONTROLLING MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE is, after recognizing you are being controlled and manipulated, VERBALIZE IT AND PHYSICALLY EXPRESS IT. Say something like, “This is not going to work on me.” You have to do it with a little attitude. The Bible says, “Jesus turned and said to Peter…”with attitude. He called Peter Satan and told Peter to get out of his face! Get behind me Satan! Is it accurate to say that controlling and manipulating is satanic? Jesus looked at Peter eye to eye and told Peter he was Satan to him.
I have faced CONTROLLING MANIPULATING PEOPLE my entire ministry. I now recognize them quickly. People threaten me with all sorts of things from not giving money to leaving the church. They are not all bad people, but instead of causing me to bow down to their control, an attitude rises inside of me and I basically say, “Get out of my face!” If you have been around me much, you know that it does not matter how much money a person gives or what ministry they do here, if you attempt to CONTROL and MANIPULATE me/Life Gate, it’s over and I develop an attitude. I am better and more controlled now than I used to be about it, but it is still in there.
Here is what I want you to see. IF YOU ALLOW SOMEONE TO CONTROL AND MANIPULATE YOU, YOU ARE COMMITTING SIN. IT IS IDOLATRY.
Exodus 20:3-5 You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them…
When you are doing the will of someone else and not doing the will of God, it is idolatry. You are bowing to their will instead of God’s will. You cannot do God’s will when you allow people to control and manipulate you. You are actually dysfunctional for God and for yourself. You are a puppet waiting for your master to pull your strings.
What happens when you refuse to allow people to control and manipulate you? CONTROLLING MANIPULATING PEOPLE do not like to be “handled.” This is especially true when you have been their doormat for a long time. They squeeze harder when you reveal their satanic attempts. They are used to getting their way, so when you get an attitude, sparks will fly. They pull out their tools – threats and guilt – and go to work on you. They yell, scream, curse, threaten, and put guilt on you. You are tempted to bow to that idol because that is what you have always done. If you say, “This is not going to work on me,” be ready, because things will get worse before they get better.
(4) The fourth thing needed to HANDLE CONTROLLING MANIPULATING PEOPLE is REDEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP. Jesus told Peter that he Peter was not going to be a “stumbling block” to Jesus. Concerning the things of God, Jesus said, “get behind me.” Jesus said let me redefine our relationship. Do not interfere with my purpose. If you are not going to walk with me to accomplish this then get behind me. Oh, and by the way Peter, I am the leader, not you.
WHEN HANDLING CONTROLLING MANIPULATING PEOPLE, YOU MUST LET IT BE KNOWN THAT YOU ARE MORE INTERESTED IN PLEASING GOD THAN PLEASING THE CONTROLLER/MANIPULATOR.
Galatians 1:10 Obviously, I’m not trying to be a people pleaser! No, I am trying to PLEASE GOD. If I were still trying to please people, I would not be CHRIST’S SERVANT.
Oh my! When I allow a controlling/manipulative person to handle me, I am not a servant of Christ. I honestly feel that if I bow to controlling manipulating people that I am not a good pastor and teacher. I admit, sometimes the sparks fly, but I refuse to bow. I love people to walk with me and me with them to accomplish what we are to do, but I cannot allow them to be or them to allow me to be a “stumbling block.” I must please God.
I want to talk to those of us who are CONTROLLING MANIPULATING PEOPLE. You know you are controlling and manipulative just as I know I used to be that way. It does not mean you are a bad person no more than it meant I was a bad person. Let me tell you from where control and manipulation comes. It comes from fear and insecurity. You are a control freak and you fear you will not get your way. You have absolute faith in your ability to get things done and get what you want by control. Your confidence in your ability is good, but your lack of faith to trust God is not good. I had to learn this. I was trained in corporate management where the strong and controlling survived. I tried to run a church the way I was trained, but found all I did was be a stumbling block to many. One day, I was in a situation that I could not control. I had to sit back and have faith in God, not myself. Amazingly, that worked way better. If you were here in the “early years” of Life Gate, you know I am not the control freak I once was. I know I am the leader and accept that responsibility, but I do not freak when things do not go exactly the way I want. I simply know that God is doing something good.
Let’s bow our heads for prayer. I want to first ask you if you feel you are allowing someone to control and manipulate you. You be honest and that person might be sitting beside you. It’s fearful for you to say no to them. You experience feelings of guilt around them. They may not have malicious intent, but you feel controlled and manipulated. You want to break free and not commit the sin of idolatry. Your first step is acknowledging it right now. If you say, “Yes, I feel someone is trying to control me. I’ve allowed it and I want to break free,” would you raise your hands right now and let me pray for you?
Secondly, you are a controller and a manipulator. (This is where I would need to raise my hand.) You know you are because you have great confidence in your ability to control. You become very upset when you do not get your way. You get angry. You yell, curse, pout, throw things, etc. You know what you do. I do not need to tell you. You fear not being in control. Those of you that would say, “Yes Delbert, I can be a manipulator. I can be a control freak. I can control others. I try to control situations.” Would you raise your hand right now? Be honest with God. Break free of that thing because it is controlling you more than you are controlling situations. Let me pray for you.
There are two more groups to which I need to speak. Some of you see God as a control freak and you have never received him as your savior because you think he wants to control you. No, he has a plan for your life so you can have abundance, but he will never control you. He will guide you and love you, but never control you. If that is you, or if you have gotten away from the Lord or never received him, will you raise your hand and receive the Lord as savior right now? Lastly, there are those who are control freaks, but you know you can’t control God. So, you never let him be God in your life. You are correct. You cannot control him, but be happy, for a day will come, I promise you, that you cannot control. You will need a God that can control. I want to pray for you. Would you raise your hands and acknowledge that you struggle there. Let’s all pray.
Continue – Handling Controlling Manipulative People
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