Please Be Quiet. Before I get into the lesson, I need to ask the women a few questions. Have you ever been around another woman who talked too much? Have you been around another woman who drove people crazy talking and arguing? Of course no one here is like this, but there are women who do this. We hope to show in this lesson how a woman can rip apart her own home by not knowing when to be quiet.


Please Be Quiet

by Delbert Young

Building a Home or Hell 2001


Please Be Quiet

Scriptures: 1 Peter 3:4-5, Proverbs 9:13, Proverbs 14:1, Proverbs 11:22, Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 19:13, Proverbs 27:15, Proverbs 21:19, Proverbs 21:9, Proverbs 30:21, Proverbs 30:23, 1 Peter 3:1-7

In this lesson, we will concentrate on the woman. We will look at a, if not the primary warning the Bible gives to the woman concerning her home. I want to teach this and be as sweet and pleasant as I possible. Therefore, ladies please do not be upset with me.

Before I get into the lesson, I need to ask the women a few questions. Have you ever been around another woman that talked too much? Have you been around another woman who drove people crazy talking and arguing? Of course no one here is like that, but there are women who do this. We hope to show in this lesson that a woman can rip apart her own home by not knowing when to be quiet.

The Bible refers to the woman who does know when to be quiet as having a “gentle and quiet spirit.”

1 Peter 3:4-5 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a GENTLE AND QUIET SPIRIT, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands

The Bible says that the woman who knows when to be quiet “is of great worth in God’s sight.” The Lord has many other thoughts about the woman who knows when to be quiet.

When a woman becomes aggravated, she becomes argumentative. The King James Version Bible refers to this by using the word “contentious.” We see the word is similar to the word “continuous.” When this happens and she does not know when to be quiet, hell is very close to coming in her door. Even the most even-tempered (temperament) man can only take so much of his wife’s continuous talking.

I believe the man has a tremendous responsibility for the well being of the home. We will deal with that next time. However, does that liberate the woman to say anything she wants as long and as loud and as often as she wants to say it? If a woman believes she can go on and on and on with endless contention, she will be a very lonely and unhappy person. Our time is short and we will be looking at many scriptures in this lesson. So, let’s dive right in.

A Look At Scriptures We are about to look at scripture after scripture placed in the Bible to caution the wife concerning some serious problems that she is capable of creating. I will be using far more scriptures than necessary and looking at many using several translations. The reason I am doing this is to get the point to the women and to emphasize how much the Bible actually says about this. It is serious. It could mean the difference between your home withstanding the storms of life and your home experiencing destruction.

As we look at the warning of these scriptures, one consistent problem will continually appear. That problem is that the woman does not know when to be quiet.

Concerning Knowledge

KJV Proverbs 9:13 A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing.

NIV Proverbs 9:13 The woman Folly is loud; she is undisciplined and without knowledge.

NRS Proverbs 9:13 The foolish woman is loud; she is ignorant and knows nothing.

The Hebrew word translated clamorous and loud in the above passages is hamah (Strong’s #1993) and means to make a load sound); to be in great commotion or tumult, to rage, war. It is not that she is simply loud and clamorous. She brings great commotion, tumult, rage, and war. Notice some of the thoughts in the previous translations. “…knoweth nothing.” “undisciplined and without knowledge.” “…ignorant and knows nothing.” One thing for certain is that she does not know what she is doing to her own home.

Do you remember Hosea 4:6? It was the very first scripture at which we looked. It said, My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. This loud woman experiences destruction because of her lack of knowledge. She is brings folly on her own home.

KJV Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the fool plucketh it down with her hands.

NIV Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

AMP Proverbs 14:1 EVERY WISE woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.

The previous verse shows us the difference between a wise woman and a foolish woman. The wise woman has obtained knowledge. The foolish woman has ignored available information. It is not the husband tearing down the home. It is not the children doing it. It is not the finances destroying it. It is not another woman doing it. It is not the devil destroying it. This foolish woman is destroying her own home because of her lack of knowledge. She tears down her house with her own hands.

KJV Proverbs 11:22 As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.

Message Proverbs 11:22 Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful face on an empty head.

NRS Proverbs 11:22 Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without good sense.

Sometimes we need to stop and get the word picture being painted for us. This picture is one of a pig with a solid gold ring in its nose. Isn’t that a lovely picture? Imagine how attractive that pig would be to your husband and there is your word picture. The Bible says that a beautiful woman with no taste or intelligence is just as desirable as that pig. The lack of sense far overrides the woman’s beauty.

Concerning Health

KJV Proverbs 12:4 A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

NIV Proverbs 12:4 A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

Message Proverbs 12:4 A hearty wife invigorates her husband, but a frigid woman is cancer in the bones.

We have another picture. A man with bone cancer is like a man with a wife that embarrasses him. I don’t know of any man that desires bone cancer. Neither do I know any man that desires a wife that embarrasses him. That is a sickening thing to the man.

Concerning Continuous Talking

KJV Proverbs 19:13 A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.

NIV Proverbs 19:13 A foolish son is his father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.

NRS Proverbs 19:13 A stupid child is ruin to a father, and a wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.

A water spigot dripping gets on our nerves with its drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. When this dripping is happening, we grab the handle and twist it as tight as we can. It keeps dripping. We put a towel under the drip, but it keeps dripping. It cannot be stopped and that is the thought. This woman will not shut up. It drives the man crazy.

KJV Proverbs 27:15 A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.

NIV Proverbs 27:15 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day;

NRS Proverbs 27:15 A continual dripping on a rainy day and a contentious wife are alike;

A man can do nothing about a rainy day. Neither can he do anything with a contentious woman. It’s a constant drip, drip, rain, rain, drip, drip. Neither the rain nor the wife can be stopped.

Concerning Living With

KJV Proverbs 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

NIV Proverbs 21:19 Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.

NRS Proverbs 21:19 It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and fretful wife.

What kind of choice is that? A man can have a nagging wife or life in a desert? That’s no choice. The Lord is saying that there is no answer to this problem. The man is not going to live in the desert and he is not going to live with an angry and quarrelsome woman.

KJV Proverbs 21:9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

NIV Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

NRS Proverbs 21:9 It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a contentious wife.

The Bible says it is better to live in the corner of a roof than to live in a large house with a brawling woman. The man will have more peace in the corner of a roof than in a huge house trying to avoid his wife’s brawling. How long is he going to live on that roof? In other words, the guy “ain’t gona do it.” At least, he is not going to do it very long.

A man will not live in the corner of a roof and neither will he live with a brawling woman. The woman destroys her own home when she does not know when to stop talking.

Will Not Be Tolerated

NIV Proverbs 30:21 “Under three things the earth trembles, under four it cannot bear up:

(number three is….)

KJV Proverbs 30:23 For an odious woman when she is married….

NIV Proverbs 30:23 an unloved woman who is married….

NRS Proverbs 30:23 an unloved woman when she gets a husband….

The Bible says there are some things that no one on earth can tolerate. One of those things is a woman who is married, but not loved. Loud, contentious, ignorant, brawling women cause the husband’s love to turn to hate. At this point, he can no longer tolerate her.


We need to read the passage in 1Peter 3:1-7.

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

1 Peter 3:2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

1 Peter 3:3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

1 Peter 3:4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

Peter’s context is simple. It is about the woman who develops and builds a home and not a hell. She is not tearing it down with her own hands. She has an ability to “be in subjection” to her “own husband.” By properly doing this he can “be won” to the kingdom. She is adorned inwardly as well as outwardly. The thought is that the inner person is as important as the outer. It’s not wise for a woman to let her outward looks depreciate and think her husband will not notice because she is spiritual.

The King James version says this woman has a meek and quiet spiritMeek does not mean weak. The Bible says that Moses was the meekest man on the earth (Num 12:3), but Moses was not weak. But Moses did know when to be quiet.

The Greek word translated meek is praus (Strong’s #4239) and the meaning is “controlled disposition, wholly relying on God rather than personal strength to defend against injustice.”

This woman has a controlled disposition. This woman has developed a controlled and quiet spirit. She is actually in control of the situation because of her disposition. This woman can rely on God to take care of her. She helps herself by knowing when to be quiet. She will bring peace instead of contention. She is not under the control of anything. She is actually in control of everything.

This is exactly what Peter is sharing as he gives us a reference.

1 Peter 3:5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

Ladies you will never be able to be in subjection to your husband if you can not totally trust in God to take care of you. You must be quiet. If you believe your husband will never do anything stupid that will scare you silly then you are in a fairy tell. You must be able to trust God. If you cannot trust God then you will attempt to control with fussing and be contention and you will tear down your own house. Just as the men are told to “fear God and walk in his ways” (Psa 128:1), the women are told to “adorn themselves” with trusting God. Trusting includes learning to be quiet.

Peter then used a wonderful example to hammer his point home. He used the example of Sarah who was the wife of Abraham.

1 Peter 3:6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

I will never forget when I began to see the meaning and context of this passage. I was doing a study and teaching on the home and family. I was laying in my bed reading this passage. I read the previous passage and came to the words “and are not afraid with any amazement.” The verse is speaking of Sarah and telling believing women they are like her “as long as” they “are not afraid with any amazement.” I thought, “What is that all about? What does that mean?” I did what I always do. I found some different translations and did some word studies. I found that the word translated amazement means “to be afraid of with terror” (Strong’s #4423). I believe this will help us all understand this truth.

Let’s look at another translation of verse six which is about Sarah.

NIV 1 Peter 3:6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Let’s make sure we get this. Sarah did what Abraham asked her to do (she “obeyed Abraham”). Also we see that Sarah respected Abraham (she “called him her master,” KJV says “Lord”). Is that what that verse says?

Wives, your husbands will do some amazingly dumb things. We will cause you unbelievable problems. We will stir up every emotion you have and then some. We will make you amazingly angry with some of the dumb things we do. You will be terrified. You will not only want to scream, you will scream. Screaming and anger is not the answer. Hopefully, we have seen that is true through all the scriptures we have read.

Sarah’s Story

I want to tell Sarah’s story. The Lord God loved Sarah. She was one very special woman to the Lord. The reason was because of her meek and be quiet spirit. We find Sarah’s story told in Genesis chapters eleven through twenty-three.

Sarah was a very beautiful woman. Originally her name was Sarai. She married a man ten years older than was she. His name was Abram. He would become Abraham. Abraham was amazing. I don’t mean only in the sense of being the friend of God. I mean he was amazing in what he put Sarah through. It was when I began to see this that I saw what Peter was teaching.

Abraham was Sarah’s half brother. Abraham and Sarah had the same father, but different mothers (Gen. 20:12). Things were done a little different then. It was not uncommon for blood relations to marry.

Moved to Haran

At a point around mid-life for Sarah, she and Abraham moved from a metropolis city called Ur to begin anew city they named Haran. They moved with Abraham’s father Terah.

Let’s think just a minute because it is here we begin seeing some of the many things with which Sarah was forced to deal. She was living in a nice city. Her family was there. She felt secure and protected. Her husband was moving her to a city that didn’t exist. Did Sarah do it? Did she do it not afraid with any amazement? She did. She moved and helped Abraham and his father Terah build the city of Haran. There Sarah lived for several years and appear to be doing well.

It reminds me of the time I told my wife we were moving to northwest Georgia. We were going to pastor a church that had no idea of what I would attempt to build. I was moving her from her family and the city she had lived all her life. All my wife asked was, “Are you sure that God told you to do this?”

Move to a strange land

Terah, Abraham’s and Sarah’s father, died when Abraham was seventy-five and Sarah was sixty-five. Abraham told Sarah that God had spoken to him. They were to pack up and move to some land a great distance away. Abraham said God told him he would give that land to Abraham.

Let’s see the picture. Sarah was then a sixty-five year old chick. She was to pack up, leave her house, walk and walk, and live in a tent. She was to go to some place her husband thought that God was going to give him. Did she do it? Did she do it not afraid with any amazement? She did.

Not long after I moved to northwest Georgia, some things died in the church I pastored. It was at that time that God told me to begin a new church. Somehow my wife packed up and we began a walk that would take us to a wonderful place. How did she handle it? She trusted my ability to hear God. She knew that we would walk back if it wasn’t God. She also trusted God to take care of her. Did we discuss it, or did she just submit to my decision? She asked a lot of questions. She had knowledge of what I needed and she always had a controlled spirit and she knew when to stop talking.

We are not told of the possible discussions that Abraham and Sarah had concerning that move. Whatever those discussions were, she had knowledge of what Abraham needed and she always had a controlled spirit. She knew when to stop talking. Sarah packed up and walked and lived in a tent. Was she blessed? Absolutely! Did Abraham really hear God? Absolutely!

Obviously Abraham’s ability to hear God helped Sarah. Sarah had confidence that Abraham could indeed hear God. Men, we develop a track record. We might get by with a “God said….” decision that flops a few times. However, if things continually flop that we said were “God” our wives will doubt that we can hear God.


Sarah finally arrived at this land. They settled in and a famine came. This was not just any famine. It was a grievous famine. Sarah was out there in a strange land with no food or water. Yet, she was not afraid with any amazement. She knew that Abraham would take care of her.


Abraham packed Sarah up, and moved her again. He said, “Let’s go down to Egypt.” On the way into Egypt, Abraham said to Sarah, “Listen, you are a fine looking woman and these Egyptians will kill for a fine looking woman. They will kill me if they know that I am your husband. When we get into town, tell them you are my sister, not my wife.” Sarah did exactly what Abraham asked. When they arrived, Pharaoh did like Sarah and he took Sarah to live with him.

Moving around is one thing. Living in a tent in one thing. A famine is one thing, but this seems a little much even with a woman with a controlled spirit. It is here we see Sarah doing more than believing that Abraham can hear God, or even that he will take care of her. Here we see that Sarah is not afraid by any amazement. However, it is not her trust in Abraham that calms her fears. It is her trust in God that calms her fears.

In the mean time, while Sarah lived in Pharaoh’s house, Abraham was being paid for Sarah with sheep, oxen, donkeys, men servants, and maidservants. Abraham sold his wife. It seemed that Abraham happy. However,Sarah was captured by Pharaoh.

Did God intervene for Sarah? Yes he did. He brought plagues upon Egypt and Pharaoh. God took care of Sarah. God loved Sarah.

My wife and I can’t really relate to my selling her, but we can relate to a time when I had her living in a house where she felt captured. Plaster from the ceiling fell in her face as she laid on the bed at night. The roof leaked terribly. She was captured in deep depression while I was as happy as I could be. I was preaching and teaching and being completely fulfilled. Still, my wife never once lost control of herself. She never dripped and was never contentious. She never embarrassed me. She was always in control of her spirit and knew when to be quiet. One day the Lord spoke to my wife and asked her what did she want. She began to say all this spiritual stuff like she wanted the church grow and people to get saved. The Lord said, “No Judy, what do YOU want?” Finally, after several rounds of coaxing, Judy said, “I want a house of our own. I want some new clothes. I want to be happy.” Do you know what happened? Within a short time we had our own house. She had her new clothes. She was out of her depression and she was happy.

I am trying to relay to you ladies that there will be times when your husband has gone off into his world of selfishness. He will seem only concerned about his life. He will seem blessed and happy and you will be depressed and unhappy and captured. You can’t look for him to take care of you. At those times you must trust God to take care of you. He will because you have maintained a meek and a be quiet spirit.


A little later in Sarah’s life, she desperately wanted to give Abraham a son. She knew how important an heir was to her husband. The problem was that she could not get pregnant. She suggested that her husband, Abraham, take Hagar, Sarah’s young servant girl and get Hagar pregnant. Again, things were a little different then than now. It was a surrogate mother situation before the days of artificial insemination.

Though it was Sarah’s idea, Abraham could have rejected the idea. He could have said, “Baby, I don’t want to do that. I know its accepted, but I don’t want to be with any other woman than you.” However, he didn’t say that. Instead, Abraham went along with Sarah’s suggestion.

Hagar became pregnant. A child was born who they named Ishmael. All sorts of problems followed. It was a horrific situation. Every day Sarah had to face Hagar and that kid named Ishmael. This woman had been with her husband and there was this child that Sarah had to observe every day. There were some really bad situations, but did Sarah get through it not afraid with any amazement? Yes she did. She maintained her controlled spirit. She knew when to be quiet. She had a lot to say during that time, but knew when to stop talking.

Name Change

It was about this time that God changed Abraham’s name from Abram to Abraham. What is really unique is that he also changed Sarah’s name from Sarai to Sarah. I believe she is the only woman in the scriptures whose name is changed because of covenantal purposes. The Lord really loved Sarah. Obviously she was extremely special to the Lord. He loved her meek and be quiet spirit.


A little later in Sarah’s life, she and Abraham ran into Abimilech, King of Gerar. The Pharaoh thing happens again. Abraham said, “Baby, you are a good looking woman. Those people will kill me if they know I am your husband. Tell them, like you told Pharaoh, that I am your brother.” Do you know that Sarah did that for Abraham? She did it again. Abimilech took her exactly as Pharaoh took her. Again, God showed up. He said to Abimilech, “You are but a dead man. You have another man’s wife.”

Ladies, there will probably be more than one time that you will need to get beyond trusting your husband to take care of you and know that God will take care of you. More than once will God need to step into the picture and move on your behalf. The lesson is that he will.

I used to wonder why the Bible tells us that Abraham did the same dumb thing two different times. Then I did this study that we are doing now and it made sense. Husbands can do the same dumb thing more than once. I have done the same stupid thing more than once. If the woman will control her spirit and know when to be quiet, the house will stand. Sarah’s house stood. My house stood. It wasn’t because of my brilliance that my house stood. It was because of my wife controlled and be quiet spirit.


Not long after that experience, God and a few angels showed up at Abraham’s home. No big deal, right? God and Abraham just hung out. They ate some barbecue on some home-maid bread. They talked.

Sarah was in the tent listening to God and Abraham talk. Men, your wife knows if you pray or not. It is a big issue if you expect to have a wife with a controlled spirit. That was one major point that Sarah knew about Abraham. She knew her husband constantly built an altar and prayed and offered sacrifices. Your wife also knows.

Sarah was then eighty-nine years of age. God ask Abraham, “Where is Sarah your wife?” Abraham said, “She is in the tent.” God said, “Sarah thy wife shall have a son.” The Bible makes certain that we know that Abrahamand Sarah were old and well stricken in age; and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women. Sarah had gone through the “change.” When God said Sarah would have a child, Sarah laughed out loud. Down in Sarah’s heart was the desire to give her husband a son. It had become funny, a joke, because she wanted it so badly. God said, “I’m going to give it to you.” In Sarah’s heart, she wanted to give Abraham a son. Did she? Did God make that possible? Yes he did. Sarah had a son who they named Isaac.

Did God love Sarah or what? God loved her spirit. He loved her ability to control her mouth. Sarah knew when to be quiet and she knew when to talk.


Sarah’s story isn’t over yet. Isaac grew. Abraham heard form God again. Sarah must be thinking that it is not always a fun thing for a woman’s husband to hear from God. This time God told Abraham to take Isaac to a mountain called Moriah. There Abraham was to offer Isaac as a sacrifice. How do you suppose Sarah felt about that? Was there any amazement involved? Do you suppose there was any fear? How did Sarah maintain a controlled spirit? How did she remain quiet? I am certain that she didn’t remain silent. However, I am also certain that she maintained a controlled and be quiet spirit.

My son is a remarkably intelligent man. His name is Lance and he had done extremely well in school and high school. Lance was awarded a scholarship to go to a good college. He had a bright future, but decided to sacrifice all to go into the ministry. I took him to Moriah. His mother just sort of got quiet. She wanted him to be fulfilled and happy, but was afraid the ministry would kill him. Lance and I went to Moriah. His mother kept a controlled spirit. She expressed her feelings and thoughts, but knew when to be quiet.

Sarah died

In Genesis chapter twenty-three Sarah died. Sarah is the only woman whose death age is recorded in scripture. She was one hundred and twenty-seven years old. She is the only woman who had a name change by the Lord. She had an extremely special covenant relationship with the Lord. The recording of her death age shows us how special she was to the Lord. Sarah had a meek and a be quiet spirit.

1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

It does not say that the woman is the inferior vessel. My wife is not inferior to me. In many ways she is superior to me. However, physically she is weaker than I. We learn first from the natural and then apply that to the spiritual (1Co 15:46).

The man is created and wired to carry the weight of decision making and problems in the home. Women are not. That doesn’t mean that women cannot make decisions and carry the weight of decision making and the weight of problems. It simply means that the man is created to carry more.

The Bible says that the wife is the weaker vessel. The picture is that if the wife is carrying a heavy load and the husband a lighter load, the husband should know to help her. The man is created and wired to carry more. Knowing this and doing this is honoring the wife. The results are that our prayers are not hindered.

Other Related Sermons:

Let’s Eat then Sodom – sermon series notes

We Need A Dream sermon series notes

Death of Sarah sermon notes series

Also see:

Sermons Change The World

Life Gate Church sermons by Delbert Young