If we men give ourselves to our wives (and children), we will experience back the wife of our dreams. It is all associated with our giving. Our giving to them and experiencing back exactly what we want is inseparable. We can experience a wonderful home with no complaints. Can we imagine that? I can. It is possible. It’s the home of our dreams.
BUILDING A HOME OR A HELL (01)
The Wife of My Dreams
by Delbert Young
The Wife of My Dreams
Scriptures: Psalm 128:1-6, John 3:16, Galatians 1:4, Galatians 2:20, Ephesians 4:8, 11, 1 Timothy 2:6, Titus 2:14, Ephesians 5:25-28, Luke 6:38
We saw in our last lesson that we must obtain wisdom, understanding, and knowledge to have a successful home. We want to begin looking now at some wisdom, understanding, and knowledge that we need. These are the components necessary for a happy home.
Our emphasis in this lesson will be the man of the house. However, ladies, don’t worry. We will look at the women in the next lesson. The Lord God began with the man. We thought we would follow his lead.
Is it possible to have a perfect wife? Can that actually happen? Yes it can. I hope that by the end of the lesson we will see that each of us men can have the perfect wife.
God has provided us a wonderful word picture that presents a successful home. We read the picture in Psalm 128:1-6.
Psalms 128:1 Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways.
Psalms 128:2 For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.
Psalms 128:3 Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.
Psalms 128:4 Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD.
Psalms 128:5 The LORD shall bless thee out of Zion: and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life.
Psalms 128:6 Yea, thou shalt see thy children’s children, and peace upon Israel.
Verse one speaks of the people who fear the Lord and walk in his ways. In the last section, we looked at those who reject the Lord’s word and do not walk in his ways (Hosea 4:6). One group the Lord cannot help because of their rejecting his word. The other group is blessed by the Lord and live a very happy life. The reason is these walk in his ways. These have gotten some knowledge.
Let’s work through this passage and see what the Lord has to say.
- BLESSED IS EVERY ONE THAT….
Psalm 128:1 Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord; that walketh in his ways.
Blessed (Strong’s #0835 ‘esher) actually means extreme happiness that will last. Did you know there was an extreme happiness that will last? Extreme happiness that will last does not come through money, possessions, power, or fame. It does not happen by coming to church and being a Christian. The way to attain lasting happiness is to fear the Lord and walk in his ways.
Have you ever known a Christian that was not happy? Have you ever been a Christian that was not happy? There have been times when I was that unhappy Christian. Do you know what I had done to cause that unhappiness? I was not walking in his ways. If someone had told me at that moment that was the reason that I was not happy, I would have been offended and argued. I would have said, “I am walking in his ways. What do you mean? I’m a preacher!” A person can be a Christian, go to church, be materially successful with money and possessions and power, but not be happy.
There are blessed people. There are people that have extreme happiness that will last. These are the people that fear the Lord and walk in his ways. Someone might say, “Well that’s wonderful for you to say, but how do I get there from here?” Let’s look at a few principles.
- FEARING THE LORD AND WALKING IN HIS WAYS
I need to know that extreme happiness that will last is not something I can manufacture. I can manufacture a happiness that may last for a short time. For long term happiness I must fear the Lord and walk in his ways.
- Fearing the Lord
The fear of the Lord does not come from my being afraid that the Lord will smack me if I mess up. Neither does it come from a fear of going to hell when I die. Rather, fearing the Lord comes from knowing that things will not go well for me if I do not do things as he teaches.
I should have a desire worked into me by my parents to please Father God. That should have been accomplished when I was a child (Pro 22:6). If there is not a desire within me to please Father God, then my parents did not train me correctly. When proper discipline is accomplished, we have this wonderful desire to please our parents. This works into us a parallel desire to please our heavenly Father. We will look at this more in the section concerned with raising our children.
- Walking in His Ways
I need to know that extreme happiness that will last is not something I can manufacture. I can manufacture a happiness that may last for a short time. The way we enjoy an extreme happiness that last is through a right relationship with Jesus.
This is more than only going to church. This means I am doing what he teaches. He is not really my “Lord” and I certainly do not fear him if I do not do walk in his ways. Jesus said, And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say? (Luke 6:46). My doing what he says may not be easy every time, but it will always produce (manufacture) happiness.
- EAT THE LABOR OF THINE HANDS….
Psalm 128:2 For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.
Happy shalt thou be….
How happy should a man be. A man should be extremely happy. It should be a happiness that will last. A part of his being happy is taking time to eat the labor of his hands. The Bible says that if a man who fears God and walks in his ways will be happy and it shall be well with him. Life is good. He is blessed on every side.
The “Leftover Syndrome”
We live in a society today that doesn’t allow us to enjoy the fruit of our labor. We live at a hectic pace. We are an interstate and Internet society. Often the man will bring that hectic pressure home from his occupation. It becomes a component that needs attention. If attention is not give, serious problems will result.
Too frequently the children and the wife get the leftovers of the man’s time and energy. Simply making the man aware of this will help some, but nothing of which I am aware will fix the “leftover syndrome.” If simply making him aware of the problem would fix it then it would have been fixed years ago.
I have watched all sorts of attempts to fix the leftover syndrome. I have observed people attempt to schedule their days and train themselves in various forms of “time management” etc. It may work for a short time. The man is miserable and will go back to his old ways.
I’ve seen people prayed for and even prayers of “deliverance” prayed over them. Things like a spirit of a “work-alcoholic” were supposedly cast out. That didn’t work either.
Nothing that I am aware of will make a person be something they are not. I know that is not what we want to hear, but after years of dealing with this in my own lives and with others, it would be stupid for me to attempt to say it can be totally fixed. However, I do have two solutions that will help. Remember, a solution is not an answer. It is only a resolution until the answer comes.
- “first-fruit time“
The first solution is for the man. Sir, if you do not get the revelation about the “leftover syndrome” and make yourself set aside some “first-fruit time” (quality time) to bring home for your wife and children then you will build a hell in which to live. Our wives do not expect all our time. If fact, we get on their nerves if we hang around them too much. However, my wife does need to see me spend time with my children (grandchildren if applicable) and she needs to feel that she is important to me. If I am too tired to give time to my children and too tired for her, I am building me a hell.
If I give leftovers to my wife, I will get leftovers in return. I will eat a lot of leftovers for supper. My house will not be clean. My clothes will not be clean and ready to wear. When I need romance, it’s sort of “warmed over” if you know what I mean.
I have seen the romance actually “left-over.” The woman found someone she felt would give her the quality time that she needed. This is serious. In its extreme, if a man continues giving his wife leftovers, put it in the bank that the enemy will send someone along that will give her first-fruit time. Talking about hell, it doesn’t get any worse than that. Hope we hear the revelation.
- Know your husband’s temperament
The second revelation is for the woman of the house. Your husband has a temperament. Every person does. The better you understand his temperament, the more you will be able to come to peace with his temperament. Women especially need to acquire a quality temperament study and determine their husband’s temperament. This is vital for your peace and sanity.
Different temperaments respond differently to life. There is a temperament that will need motivation, one that is a perfectionist, one that is a work-a-holic, and one that wants to be with the guys a lot. Identifying to which you are married will help you understand and accept your husband far better. Once understood, you can make some peace with the “leftover syndrome.”
If a wife thinks the husband will totally change in the “leftover syndrome” area, she will be sadly disappointed. “It ain’t gona happen!” Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? (Jer 13:23). His temperament is wired into him. It’s in his DNA. It is the way God made him. He will do better and he can pull on other aspects of his temperament, but he will never totally change. He will not change after retirement. He will not change on Sundays.
Madam, if you continuously fuss at him about this, you will build a hell in which to live. The best thing that can happen is that the man will see the need you experience. He will then give you and the children (grandchildren) some first-fruit time.
- THY WIFE….
Psalm 128:3 thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house:
The picture is a productive abundant grape vine at the side the house. Have you ever noticed a good mom with her kids hanging all over her? That’s the picture.
Also, the wife will be at the man’s side. I so enjoy my wife at my side. It is a picture perfect and totally natural event. She goes places with me. We go through life side-by-side. She makes her man happy.
A vine is the source of wine and wine was created by the Lord to make the heart glad (Psa 104:15). It is when the wife does not make the husband glad and when the husband does not make the wife glad that hell erupts in the home. Think about that for a moment. The kids can be causing all sorts of problems. Work can be awful. The finances can be going down the tube, but if the man and the woman continue to make each other glad, the home will withstand any storm.
The grape vine was also produced raisins. Raisins were eaten nearly every day in Bible times. Raisins were also taken on journeys to provide sustenance and nutrition. The wife of the happy man is a wife that brings nutrition to his life. She is the wife that does the journey of life with him. This is another picture of the wife of the man that fears the Lord, walks in his ways, and finds first-fruit time for his woman at his side. This is a happy guy.
- THY CHILDREN….
Psalm 128:3 ….thy children like olive plants round about thy table.
Also in this extremely happy home are children. The picture is olive plants (sprigs) at the table. The olive tree is a tree of extremely long life. If I remember correctly, I believe they live for several centuries. The imagery is the continuing of the family’s genealogy.
The olive tree is rooted, grounded, and productive. It is a blessing when a man’s children are rooted and grounded in God, and productive in society and the kingdom of God.
The olive thee produces oil for cooking and for the anointing. This is a picture of the Holy Spirit. We see children with a blessing upon their lives, anointed and successful.
These children are round about his table. There is not many things that make parents more happy than for their children to enjoy being at dad’s and mom’s house. I remember my parents nearly begging me to come by and see them. My children love to come to my house. They love to sit around the table eat too. They enjoy to come and rest and hang out with mom and dad. Already my oldest grandson (two years old) wants to go to “ah daddy’s” (grand daddy’s) house. It is sad when children grow up and do not enjoy being with their parents. I have actually seen children move from a city to escape their parents. The blessed man continuously sees his children.
Psalm 128:4 Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord.
This is the way it is with the blessed man that fears the Lord. He has extreme happiness that last.
- THE ATMOSPHERE
The person not living in a home and experiencing extreme happiness would say, “That’s wonderful, but how do I get there from here?” Following are a few avenues.
If a man desires his wife to be a fruitful vine and if he desires his children to be productive olive trees, there must be a conducive environment. Winter weather will not produce fruitful vines. Winter weather will not grow olive trees. The atmosphere of the home must consistently be spring and summer. That atmosphere is contrary to creation (Gen 8:22). It is also contrary to a home. To think every day will be a beautiful spring day at my home is my being ignorant. However, I do know that spring should follow winter. I do know that winter does not last all year. When the earth gets back into its spring time orbit around the sun, a springtime atmosphere is again available. When the home gets in its springtime atmosphere around the Son, a springtime atmosphere is again available.
Whose responsibility is it to set this atmosphere? Is it the children’s responsibility, the wife’s responsibility, or the husband’s responsibility? What I want to show you in these next few minutes is that it is the husband’s responsibility to set this atmosphere.
- The Giver and the Receiver
There is a principle woven into creation. This isn’t a principle for “church people” only. This is a principle of creation. The man is the giver. The woman is the receiver. The offspring are the product of the man’s giving and the wife’s receiving. There is no place in scripture that shows the woman being the primary giver. Therefore, she is not the primary adjuster for the atmosphere of the home. She receives the atmosphere given her by the man and, after multiplying it, gives it back to him good measure pressed down and shaken together and running over.
The man is the giver. I can prove this to you not only through scriptures, but with how we were individually created. All we need to do is look at the physical design of a man and the physical design of a woman. The man is physically designed by God to give. The woman is physically designed by God to receive. When done properly, it feels good and brings happiness. Any arguments there?
Creation shows that the man gave a rib and was given back a woman. Man gave the woman a seeds and the woman gave the man children. It is the man who gives. The woman will receive and always give something back. It is the man who will give the atmosphere of the family. The woman will give him back happiness that will last or she will give him back a hell or something in-between!
The attitude in many homes today is something like this. The man comes home with leftover energy projecting this viewpoint, “I have worked all day so give me service.” Doesn’t that set a wonderful atmosphere in the home? We men kick our feet up in our favorite chair and relax. We think, “Don’t touch me, don’t talk to me. Bless God, I am home, I am tired, and I do not want to be bothered. Is that clear. Cook for me. Feed me. Serve me….” Men have a “Serve me, give me, obey me” attitude.
Well, there is a huge problem here. The problem is that attitude is not godly. A man might say in response to that statement, “Well, the Bible says that the man’s home is his castle, right?” Nope, that is not in the Bible. They might say, “Well, she is suppose to reverence me and submit to me. These kids are suppose to obey me.” That is correct, but only after you properly give and properly love them.
The “serve me, give me, obey me” attitude is not godly. Following is the attitude of God. Let’s say this is the godly attitude.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Galatians 1:4 Who gave Himself for our sins, that He might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father
Galatians 2:20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave Himself for me.
Ephesians 4:8 Wherefore He saith, When He ascended up on high, He led captivity captive, and gave gifts unto men.
Ephesians 4:11 And He gave some apostles; and some prophets; and some evangelists; and some pastors and teachers;
1 Timothy 2:6 Who gave Himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time.
Titus 2:14 Who gave Himself for us that He might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto Himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it
I trust we got the message. The godly attitude is to give. The heavenly Father gave. The Lord Jesus gave. Husbands are to love their wives by giving. We guys are givers. We are created and designed to give.
This is a principle under attack by Satan. He has created a role reversal that has constantly destroyed marriages and families. When we guys kick into this receiving mode, we are, in a way, becoming the woman.
Do you have a home or a hell? It can be a cold and frigid hell where people go around with their feelings and hearts all bundled afraid to express themselves. It can be a hot hell? It can be a never ending inferno of fighting and yelling and screaming? To me, that has to be what hell is like. Everyone is gnashing their teeth. No one wins. Everyone is yelling and crying and there is no solution in sight. Is your home a home or a hell?
The home can be like a spring day where things are green and blossoming? Is the fruitful vine making you glad? Are the children giving you the oil of gladness? Are the smells of sweet things in the air? Sir, what is the atmosphere of your home? You control the atmosphere by what you give.
The man can never experience Biblical long lasting happiness until he is the giver. The woman will never experience Biblical long lasting happiness until she is the receiver. That’s the way God made it.
- What does the man give?
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it.
Jesus gave himself for the church. The relationship between Christ and the church is compared to the marital relation of a man and his wife. The fundamental and principal thing the wife wants from her husband is her husband. Jesus gave himself to his bride. Flowers are nice and gifts are nice. We guys should give flowers and gifts. They tell your wife that you have been thinking about her. Yet gifts are not you sir. It is not what the man can give the woman in the way of possessions that will fulfill her and make her want to be at his side. She wants her husband. She needs some of his best time. She needs to know that he is actually listening to her when she is talking. She needs to know he loves the children that she produced. She needs to know that he noticed the house she cleaned, and enjoyed the supper she prepared for them.
If a man has a spring and summer atmosphere in his house it is because he has given himself to his wife. This is the thermostat which determines the atmosphere of my home. A wise man will realize this. He will set an atmosphere that will provide the necessary environment for is wife, and a climate for proper development for the children.
- The Wife of My Dreams
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Ephesians 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
Ephesians 5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
Why did Jesus give himself to the church? He gave himself to the church so that he could experience back from his wife exactly what he wanted. This is what the previous passage said. Jesus got back a bride without spot or blemish. Now buddy, that is a great wife! Think about that. This is the wife you want. This is the wife of your dreams.
Men, we must learn this principle. I don’t know if I can help us any more than by sharing this truth. If we men give ourselves to our wives (and children), we will experience back exactly what we want them to be. It is all associated with our giving. Our giving to them and experiencing back exactly what we want is inseparable. We can experience a wonderful home with no complaints. Can we imagine that? I can. It is possible. It’s the home of our dreams.
Luke 6:38 Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.
A great application of the previous scripture would be the home. This is especially true when combined with the truth of the previous giver and receiver discussion. We give the exact same thing that we want measured back to us. We men give ourselves until we get back exactly what we want.
We men must grasp that women are created to multiply. They are multipliers. I gave my wife a seed and she gave me a baby. I gave her another seed and she gave me another baby. I gave my wife a house and she gave me a home. I give her money and she gives me wonderful suppers. Whatever I give to her, she will give back good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over.
I give her a seed of affection and I can have more affection than I can handle. I bring kindness and patience and long suffering home, and I experience kindness, patience, and long suffering at my home. I compliment her and lift her up and I experience a woman who is at my side. I give myself to her and my wife becomes a woman that does all those difficult Biblical things like submit to me, and respect me, and even reverence and honor me.
Does that sound impossible? Well, it’s not. It’s in the knowing that I set the atmosphere. I am the giver and my wife is the receiver. I build my home or I build my hell.
III. HOME OR HELL?
Psalm 128:6 and may you live to see your children’s children. Peace be upon Israel.
Our homes can be blessed. To accomplish this we must fear the Lord and walk in his ways. We must be wise not only hearing his ways, but also doing them. We can actually build a home and enjoy the fruit of our labor. A man’s wife should be and can be by his side making him proud and giving him great gladness. A man’s children should be and can be rooted, grounded and productive. This is a picture of the man that is blessed of God.
At the end of the picture of the blessed man, David proclaims, “May you live to see your children’s children!”
I was a young man. Today I am a middle aged plus man. I have made a lot of mistakes. I have fumbled the ball more than once. Sometimes it even seemed that I was running toward the wrong goal line. Still, I am blessed. I am enjoying my children’s children. I am seeing and playing with and handling my heritage. I have a wife that is by my side. She makes me look good. My children are rooted and grounded and anoint me with the oil of gladness. I, though a mess, have done something right. I think it is because I have feared the Lord and I have walked in his ways.
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